Two Thousand and Twelve

by June

Well, here I am again, blog. I’ve been terrified to write, if I’m being perfectly honest. I don’t know why. It’s gotten to the point where when I think about it, I seize up. I feel a knot in my chest and my breathing quickens. It’s probably some sort of mental block; if I push myself to write, I’ll get past this. And the thing is, I feel compelled to write. It’s the only thing I really feel called to do.

And yet, at the same time, I’m terrified to do it. Isn’t that strange? Aren’t we just the weirdest things in existence, when you think about it? That we can create these complex and conflicting emotions in ourselves? I don’t know. I’m dizzy on Nyquil right now and sick with a flu, but at least it’s giving me the courage to write.

The last time I posted, I was dealing with depression and starting to take medication for it. I felt optimistic about it, after I got over my initial disappointment with myself. But then things got worse; I fell into a worse state than before. I ended up changing medications. I’m beginning to feel better. I’m exercising more. I’m trying to write. Trying. Have to keep trying.

I’m sorry for the dramatic post. I will try to keep these to a minimum. But maybe I’ll get it out of my system here at the beginning of the new year, and who knows what 2012 will bring? That simultaneously fills me with anxiety and hope, but that’s ok. I’m working on being okay with things.

I wish all of you happiness in 2012. Here’s to hoping for the best.